How to Disapear Completely

That's a title of a Radio head song from the album Kid A. It became sort of my theme song in the gym this year. I thought the idea of using this song to lose body fat was sort of funny.

In January of 2009, I posted the following:

I wrote in a previous post of my resolution to drop 5% of my body fat this year. I actually didn't have a clue what my body fat percentage was when I wrote that piece, nor was I sure how realistic dropping 5% for a guy like me was.

Friday, I purchased a body composition analysis from Brian and his mobile body fat testing lab www.BodyFatTest.com. It's a mobile lab in a semi-trailer truck with a submersion tank in it. Brian had me strip to my bathing suit, submerge myself in the tank and blow as much air as I could out of my lungs. He took four measurements to assure accuracy, then a computer spits out a fairly impressive body composition summary. I had a couple of pieces of good news. First one is, I'm taller than I thought I was (5 ft. 11 and a quarter inches). Second, my body fat for my age is closer to Good, placing me in the 55th percentile. If I want to drop 5% of my body fat, that would bring me to a weight of 176.5, but that is if all of the weight I lose is fat and not muscle.

I took another body fat test from Brian on January 6th, 2010 and I was pleasantly surprised.

Here are the actual results from that 2009 and 2010 body fat tests

Date--------Weight-----Lean Lb.-----Fat Lb.-----Body Fat%
1/16/2009---187.8------149.95-------37.85-------20.1
1/06/2010---172.2------151.85-------25.35-------14.3
---------------(-15.6)-----(+1.9)-------(-12.5)-----(-5.8)

Like I said in the previous post, I wasn't really sure what dropping 5% of my body fat meant at the time. I know now that it is a pretty big deal. For men by age (40-49) 20.1% body fat is in the range between fair and good, specifically between the 50th and 55th percentile. 14.3% is in the excellent range, between the 85th and 90th percentile for my age group. And, keep in mind, for a man my age, if you drop below 6.6%, you are in danger of burning essential fat.

I feel good about what happened. When I was thinking about what made the change, part of it I have to attribute to some blood work I did and a prescription from my doctor for some hormones to put me back in balance. Another contributing factor was my regular attendance (every Monday night) at the West Seattle Martial Arts Club, a club that was started by a couple of disciples of Bruce Lee over 25 years ago. The Monday night core workout kicked my butt so badly I found myself highly motivated to go to the gym as often as I could on weekdays, so I wouldn't be in as much pain the next Monday. I've stuck with it, and now I am being asked to show some of the new guys the ropes.

For next year, my goal is simply to move in the right direction, and it actually is not that hard, because the good news from my body fat test has made me more motivated than ever to keep working out!

No regrets

I'm visiting a medium sized western town I spent many years in. In the past, I've tortured myself with regret over moving away from here. In the most futile of these times, I'll replay my life as if I had never moved, predicting a non-existent past like a hyperactive God with too much time on her hands. It's crazy-making, and it never makes me feel better, only confused. If my wits are about me at all, my thoughts usually come back around to something like this. I like who I am today a lot better than the person who left this town 10 years ago. I've cleaned up my act, been freed from some behaviors that were killing me, reconnected with God, repaired relationships, rejuvenated my body, continued to pursue my creative passions, and found truly meaningful work for which I am richly compensated. When I look in the mirror, I like who I see. My life seems to be following a path where the dots connect in ways I never would have imagined, but it all fits. Who am I to second guess God, fate, destiny?

So it comes back to this. I like this town. If the right circumstances present themselves and I get to come back here, so be it. If not, I get to visit. There is no turning back, not if I want to keep my sanity.

Inauguration Thoughts

Today's post is about breaking free from cynicism. I decided to follow then President Elect Obama's suggestion to spend Martin Luther King Jr.s Holiday doing service. I went on-line and found a clean up project near my home. I spent a couple of hours picking up trash by the side of a popular park. On the way, I met a mother who was doing the same with her 10 year old daughter, Morgan, who walked up to me and said "can you walk with us," and I said I could. Morgan had one of those hinged grabbing devices for picking up garbage, and she ran ahead of me, putting cigarette butts, candy wrappers and assorted paper into my plastic bag. As I held Morgan's hand crossing the street under a clear beautiful Northwestern sky, I counted my blessings and felt pride in being an American I haven't felt for years.

I, like many others, found it hard to express the emotions I felt as Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States of America. Here was another chance for me to let go of the cynic inside. I could have dismissed the newly elected President's inaugural address as mere rhetoric. Instead, I listened to it as he passionately and eloquently rebuffed the previous administrations efforts to compromise liberty for security, chastised the Washington establishment for sleeping at the switch in terms of our economy and proclaimed that America would again assert itself as a leader among nations. Like many, I felt like the new President was speaking right to me when he said:
"What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them -- that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works -- whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. Those of us who manage the public dollars will be held to account -- to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day -- because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government."
President Obama seemed to be channeling Lincoln, FDR, JFK and George Washington as he challenged all of us to do better than we've done before. The Seattle Post Intelligencer printed the entire Inauguration Speech, here is the link http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/396887_inaugtext21.html

So I plan to keep doing what I'm doing, getting up early every morning to work out, praying and meditating, putting in an honest day and serving others as best I can at work, playing music, blogging and cartooning in my free time and getting on my knees at night to thank God for how blessed I am. If I keep that up, I'm hopefully not going to have enough time to be cynical.

Following up on a New Year's Resolution

I wrote in a previous post of my resolution to drop 5% of my body fat this year. I actually didn't have a clue what my body fat percentage was when I wrote that piece, nor was I sure how realistic dropping 5% for a guy like me was.

Friday, I purchased a body composition analysis from Brian and his mobile body fat testing lab www.BodyFatTest.com. It's a mobile lab in a semi-trailer truck with a submersion tank in it. Brian had me strip to my bathing suit, submerge myself in the tank and blow as much air as I could out of my lungs. He took four measurements to assure accuracy, then a computer spits out a fairly impressive body composition summary. I had a couple of pieces of good news. First one is, I'm taller than I thought I was (5 ft. 11 and a quarter inches). Second, my body fat for my age is closer to Good, placing me in the 55th percentile. If I want to drop 5% of my body fat, that would bring me to a weight of 176.5, but that is if all of the weight I lose is fat and not muscle.

I was disappointed in what the BodyFatTest.com website had to offer. The site is pretty much a vehicle to sell a nutritional book and promote the franchising of the mobile testing labs. So, lacking direction from the site on how to achieve my body fat goal, I did some research and came up with a plan of my own.

My plan to break free from 5% of my body fat is to continue to hit the gym 4 to 5 days a week. I've been going first thing when I wake up in the morning. I sometimes don't get the 8.5 hours of sleep my body craves, but the endorphins and sense of accomplishment I feel for the rest of the day make up for it. I am using Bill Wilson's Body for Life www.bodyforlife.com workout, and it works well for me. I might work with a trainer as the year goes on, but I seem to be progressing well at this stage with the BFL workouts. I'm also consulting a nutritionist to help me eat the foods that will help me meet my goal. Finally, I'm rewarding myself with a massage at the end of each month as an incentive.

So What to Write About- how about the BBB?

I decided to call this blog, "musings about breaking free." I am going to choose a topic each day and attempt to relate it to the theme of freedom. I just read Penelope Trunk's blog blog.penelopetrunk.com and decided to try one of her tips, which is to link to sites that get a lot more traffic than you do.

Have you ever been upset about the way you were treated by a business? Who hasn't been, right? I used to get mad. I used to boycott businesses. I would make a point of telling my friends and acquaintances not to frequent the establishment. Whenever a business failed to meet my expectations, I would expend a tremendous amount of energy trying to get even, usually with little effect other than stealing some of my serenity and peace away.

A few years ago, I discovered the Better Business Bureau's www.bbb.org online complaint system. The site is simple. You can use any information you have about the business to find it in the BBB's database (name, phone number, address, website, etc.) From there the site directs you to the BBB office that deals with complaints from that part of the country (for instance, the Pacific Northwest). You are prompted to identify what type of complaint it is (customer service, billing dispute, refund, etc.) The site allows you to write a short narrative about what happened and also a suggested remedy. You submit your answers, and that's it.

I just filed a complaint against a well known on-line travel services company (I'll call it company X) on Monday (two days ago). My partner and I had made reservations to stay in a hotel on Christmas eve, but the snow kept us from traveling. We called the hotel and X and we were told by both that, due to the circumstances, we could call back after the holidays and reschedule the date. When I called back after the holidays, the customer service workers from X (first names only, from Central America) told me that we would have had to reschedule on Christmas eve, and since we did not, we were out of luck. I asked for the person's supervisor, was given the same answer and hung up the phone. Within 30 minutes I had made a complaint to the Better Business Bureau. Because I have had so much success with the BBB, I didn't give it another thought. I went on with my day. Today, two days later, I looked at my bank account and there was a credit of $301.87 for the room refund from Company X.

Why does it work? It works because businesses are rated by the Better Business Bureau and they care about keeping their ratings high. Most major companies have staff in the role of resolving BBB complaints, and they are given authority to grant refunds, store credit, whatever it takes to make the complaint go away.

Here is a short list of some of the remedies I have received from BBB complaints:

Sprint- six months of cell phone service over a disputed bill
Dania Furniture- a new frame for a defective hide a bed/ couch
Nordstrom's- refund for defective athletic shoes
Banana Republic- store credit for defective merchandise

I don't advocate abusing companies for no reason with the Better Business Bureau, but if you want to break free of the feeling that you have no power in the business world, don't forget the Better Business Bureau.

Goals for 2009

I've been reading a blog called "Get Rich Slowly." www.getrichslowly.org/blog I haven't cashed in my morals for a dash toward complete materialism. I've decided that I want to start building a financial safety net that isn't predicated on any one income source. This blog and others like it are good sources of practical information about paying off debt, building income from multiple streams and transitioning to financial independence. I've been inspired by what I've read, so I have decided to set some goals, financial and otherwise for 2009.

1- Pay off all of my debt. That includes the amount I currently owe the credit union on my car

2- Re-establish a web site that allows me to promote my various interests, music, photography, writing, mediation, etc.

3- Decrease my body fat by 5%. I don't even know how doable this is, but I am more concerned about lowering my body fat than I am about losing weight.

4- Finish my recording project and release a CD of music.

5- Start a new business income stream that brings in at least $150.00 a month by the end of the year.

That's it. I think that's enough. I'm excited about what 2009 may bring. I'm feeling grateful for the life I have today, and that seems to be one of the keys to happiness.

A touch of grey, a little lest angst

I attended my High School reunion this weekend. I grew up in a town weird enough to freak Hunter S. Thompson out, but my High School experience was pretty average. Like many, I struggled in High School, not academically, but socially. I made pretty good grades, but I didn't fit in with the "brainiacs." I played sports, but I also could hang with the hippies. My parents didn't make enough money for me to be with the "ins" but they invited me to a few of their parties because I could make people laugh.

At my 10 year reunion, everyone looked great. There was a lot of sexual tension in the air. We were still young and we were taking on the world. I had a good time at the Friday night mixer that year but ran from the Saturday night dinner dance like a republican at an ethics class.

At my 20 year reunion, people were a little more relaxed, but there was still a little more one-up-man-ship than was comfortable for me.

At this reunion (30) the conversations focused on family, kids, taking care of elderly parents, non-profit work and of course, politics. I was nervous as I walked up to the restaurant/bar where it was being held. Will I know anyone? I did know quite a few folks. I hooked up with some dear friends I had lost contact with and we are back in touch. I saw myself through the eyes of people who hadn't seen me in 30 years, and I liked the feedback I was given. I wasn't really looking for validation, just connection, so the former was gravy.

One of the most interesting moments of the night came for me when I talked to Danny Fromhart. Danny and I were on the wrestling team together as freshman. In a scrimmage match, I broke Danny's arm and he never wrestled again. For the past 30 years, Rick McGough has tormented me with comments like "Danny would have been a pro baseball player, but you screwed that up," or "Danny's coming (to the 10 and 20 year reunions) and he wants to get even." When I talked to Danny, he said Rick had been goading him in the same way for all these years. We both agreed that McGough was an asshole and had a nice time talking and catching up on life.

The last half hour I was at the party, I was talking to a group of cheerleaders and thinking to myself how funny it is that 30 years ago I wouldn't have had the courage to talk to this group. I like being the age I am. Time is sort of an equalizer. I imagine at the 40 year reunion those of us fortunate to still be "among the quick" will be mostly talking about retirement and our health. I'll be there.

See you at Bumbershoot!

Here is the link on the Bumbershoot website about my winning the Haiku contest.

http://www.bumbershoot.org/haiku-contest.htm

The Folinator

Here is a picture of Foli, my cat. She reads minds, juggles and plays a mean blues harmonica.

"a pig, in a cage, on antibiotics"

A series of things happened. I watched a couple of movies that hit home. First it was "Fight Club". Although I'd seen it a few times, it really hit me how much of a corporate clone I have become. Then I saw "Into the Wild" and my world started to shift. The story of a young kid dying of starvation in the Alaska wilderness is tragic, but the movie also portrayed the incredible spirit that this young person had as well as the impact he had on other people. I know I'm forgetting other recent events, but just a few days ago, it happened again. I was listening to Radiohead's song "fitter happier" from OK Computer. The last words spoken by the automated voice are "a pig, in a cage, on antibiotics." That's how I feel. I've slowly traded peace of mind for security, creativity for monotony, bliss for drudgery. I work in a salt mine, a governmental placating machine. I was listening to KEXP a couple of hours ago and Joseph Arthur was being interviewed. He said "there is really plenty of time." What would a life like that feel like?

I'm not sure, but I have been thinking more and more about how I could spend more time being creative. I'm an artist. I need to feed my soul or I fear that I am going to lose my fucking mind. Where do I start? Save money. Contact people who will support me in my dream. Look for ways to bridge the gap, moving from the full-time grind to work you can do from a laptop, then integrate more music and other arts into your life until it feels like it is enough. Or work toward a place when I can jump off the tower completely. Hire a life coach? I don't know about paying someone a lot of money to tell me what I already know "he who is not busy being born is busy dying." Dylan wrote that. "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans", John Lennon wrote that. "I want to peel off your chrome," Michael Clark wrote that. "I have absolutely everything, except a life." I wrote that.

Sun Valley, Nevada

This isn't your grandfather's Sun Valley.  My daughter lives here.  I drove by her house yesterday morning and she wasn't home.  Her mom is earning extra money with a paper route, which gets her up at 3:00 a.m. to make a few bucks, so she didn't hear me ring the doorbell.  It was already almost 90 degrees at 10:30 a.m.  I drove down to the strip mall which serves as "town central" to the Burger King.  The young men and women working and eating there had haunting vacant stares.  There's no American dream here.  It's dog eat dog, and these folks are begging for scraps.  I bought a paper, and as I ate my "Western Bacon Cheeseburger," read that the United States still has the highest number of millionaires, but they make up less than 2% of the population.  Every one of these young adults bought into the lie at some point that they could be one of the few people in America that benefit from our great capitalist experiment.  Good scientists give experiments up when they fail.  It's time we kiss this one goodbye.  My brother and his daughter are here as Ron Paul delegates, infiltrating the Republican party.  I'm proud of him, and I believe him when he says the only chance the United States has of pulling ourselves out of this downward slide is to end the empire, bring all of the soldiers home from the 100 plus countries they are stationed.  The part I disagree with Ron Paul about is that if we do that, conserve our resources for the people in this country, then the free market will take over and people will be taken care of.  The last thing Milton Friedman accomplished before he died was to convince the government to dismantle the New Orleans public school system during the great swindle called "reconstruction."  Go tell a black kid in New Orleans that the free market is going to take care of him/her.  Federal, State, County and Local governments were set up to protect, preserve and foster the public good.  If we invest our money wisely there, we can get back to having the kind of country our parents passed on to us.  We did it before, we can do it again.

First entry of 2006

It's another year, and I am so glad to be on the planet! This looks to be a year in which those who have been abusing their power may get their day of reckoning. George Bush, who lies for a living, was caught red handed, assuring people in 2004 that "whenever you hear about the government wire tapping, there is a court order involved." It turns out that W has acually been authorizing wire tapping of American Citizens and others including members of the United Nations since shortly after 9-11. The argument that it would jeapordize National Security to go through legal channels to get this authority doesn't hold water, as the administration could have tapped any phones they wanted to and then gone back retroactively for formal authority, if they had wished to. Why didn't they do it legally if it was that easy? That, my friends, is the 6 million dollar question, and if you ask the right questions, you get some interesting answers. Could it be the administration was wire tapping political opponents and others who may have opposed their policies but in no way shape or form posed a threat to the security of our nation? I believe this may be the case. After all, this is the group that got on the TV, stared straight at the cameras and talked about "mushroom clouds" knowing all the while that Sadaam Huissein didn't have the ability to launch a bottle rocket at us at the time. So today, Bush says "I assure you that everything I have done is perfectly legal, otherwise I wouldn't have done it." Richard Nixon was famous for saying "if I do it, then it is legal, because I am the president." Shrub has fallen into the same sort of circular logic, and it may end up being his undoing. "Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely." I don't remember who said that, but it was one of the first things I learned in college in a political science class. Whether you are the president of the United States, the leader of the 700 club, an administrator in charge of federal employees or a guy in Rome in a $10,000 hat, if you start assuming that your actions are right because of who you are, you WILL paint yourself into a corner eventually. It is assuring to me to know that, because then I don't feel like it is my responsibility to "right all of the wrongs" I come across. That is a big fucking job, and a person could wear themselves out trying to do it. So hears to you and yours. My New Years wish for myself is that I breathe in gratitude and breathe out forgiveness every day this year. If I do that, I will have a good year. This much I know to be true. Peace.

Happy Holidays!!

Yeah, I meant to say happy holidays and not Merry Christmas. I said that to someone today, and she responded with, "I don't want to be politically correct, "Merry Christmas." Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, you know... the usual suspects in the neo-conservative nazi party of america, talking heads for the sorriest administration we've had in this country since Warren G. Harding (actually, I don't know if he was a bad President, but I'm on a roll) have created ANOTHER distraction called "the war on Christmas." Their premise is that secular humanists, liberals, non-christians and Jews are scheming to take the Christ out of Christmas. These blow hard apologists for the Bush/Cheney juggernaut that has taken this country from record surplusses to record deficits, from years of relative peace to perpetual war, from good relations with other countries to open hostility, from gains in protecting the environment to unspeakable giveaways to the worst polluters, from reductions in poverty to a wider gap than ever between rich and poor...these right wing pseudo christian bigots are so full of hate and fear they see a conspiracy on the door of every refrigerator. Since they don't want to focus on what is in front of all of our noses, the insane amount of money it takes to support this stupid war, the fact that Frist, Delay, Libby, Abramoff and several other prominent repulicans are under indictment or worse, the fact that the conservatives got their asses kicked this week on ANWR, the Patriot Act and the "Reverse Robinhood Budget,"...they deflect and conjure up a bogus conspiracy that is really just a poorly veiled batch of anti-semitism and religious intolerance dressed up in tinsel and garland.
The mood in this country is shifting, and I am looking forward to the day when O'Reilly and the rest of them are off the air because noone wants to hear their hatred spewed upon them anymore. That day is coming, as is the day when a spirit of decency, cooperation, fiscal discipline, fairness, environmental stewardship, economic equality, religious freedom, support of workers rights and partnership with the rest of the world community returns to this fine nation. Until then, I refuse to participate in this fiasco called Christmas that is really just a bunch of corporate hype designed to stress people out and push them farther into debt. I haven't bought one Christmas present, and my sweetie and I are going up to Mount Rainier to spend a few nights in the wilderness, where God speaks, if we are listening, every day. So happy holidays to you and yours. Let's pray for peace and sanity and a return to decency in this country. Let's face it, 2005 was fucked up, but we can do better!!

Remembering John Lennon

25 years ago today, John Lennon was murdered by an insane fan, supposedly enraged by his perception that the former Beattle had "sold out." I was attending the University of Nevada Reno, working in Lincoln Hall as a Resident Assistant, when the announcement came over the radio in my room, "John Lennon has been shot, he was pronounced dead on arrival." I remember going outside and finding people gathering together, crying, holding each other. I felt as if a piece of me had been stolen, that's how strongly I identified with John Lennon. I called the only person I could think of who loved Lennon more than I did, my brother John. He answered the phone "John is dead." We consoled each other, although neither one of us could find even a semblance of a silver lining. To this day I can't. I do know this, John Lennon was one of the most amazing song writers in history, and he will always be dear to me.

Alex

This is Alex, my daughter. She will be 17 years old in a week. She is a very talented visual artist, kind to animals and her younger brother, an up and coming guitar player and a gifted writer. I am so grateful that she is in my life. She's wearing an "Anomaly Records" hat and she is standing in front of my bad, 1982 Toyota Corolla station wagon. Yes, that is a Peace flag.

Mayor Gridlock

Here is our mayor, who only this month was heralded by Rolling Stone magazine as an environmental trailblazer for his work to fight global warming. A couple of weeks ago, he made sure that there will be hundreds of thousands of stinking, polluting cars gridlocked on Seattle's freeways for years to come. The mayor and the rest of the City Council blundered their oversight of the monorail project, then scuttled the whole thing by bad mouthing it to the press and forcing the people to vote a FIFTH time for it. From now on and for ever, I will refer to him as mayor Gridlock.

First Audio Blog

Strange news

Last night, I closed one of my posts with the question "do you smell cars burning?" I'm not advocating violence. I don't think it solves anything, and I believe the violence being done by the young men in France has as much to do with an absence of positive initiation experiences for young adults as it does with alienation and being disenfranchised. That being said, Bill O'Reilley and the rest of the republican mouth peices on Fox "Doublespeak" (to call it news is an insult to journalism) ought to be careful about pointing fingers at France and calling it a failed experiment in socialism. We have plenty of folks who are one 48 ouncer away from burning cars in neighborhoods that aren't a lot nicer than the government housing projects in France. A case in point is an act of arson that occured this last week in West Seattle, in a neighborhood called White Center. Some one decide to, you guessed it, light a car on fire. Hmmm... Was this a random act of violence or the beginning of a revolution? Time will tell.

I saw the line

The new movie about Jonny Cash, "I Walk the Line," is outstanding. I just read the review of the movie in The Stranger for this week, and I think the critic must have been a "Hootie and the Blowfish" fan. T-Bone Burnett put the music together, and Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon did their own vocals. I guess that is the standard after Jaime Fox nailed "Ray." If you are a musician, go see this movie. Hell, go see it if you aren't. The scene where Johnny plays Fulsom Prison blues for a young Sam Phillips is amazing, and the concert scenes made me feel like I was right there watching it, except nothing you heard back then had the kind of fidelity the movie was recorded with. So, it's kind of like eavesdropping on an earlier time, only with better sound. I saw a sneak preview of the movie last night, and I think I might go to opening night this weekend.

I don't feel any safer, in fact...

I was standing in line at my favorite Indian/Pakistani lunch place the other day, and a middle eastern gentleman shot me a nervous glance. On another day, in another time, I might have overlooked it, but it is today, and war is being waged in our names by a group of religious zealots that failed to plan what to do if the people of Iraq did not meet us with open arms. Three years later, more than 2000 American soldiers have died, with countless Iraqi civilian casualties, many of them women and children. While Vice President "Himmler" lobbies the congress for the authority to abuse detainees, we are creating entire generations of islamic terrorists, trained to give their lives for what they perceive to be a holy cause. No, President kill-again, I don't feel safer, and I won't until you and every last one of your bigoted, narrowminded zealot cronies are safe behind bars, where you belong. I feel shameful for assuming that the man standing in line ahead of me in a turban may be planning to kill himself and take me and 25 others in the restaurant with him. But the greatest shame goes to the crew in Washingtion that exploited the good will of the planet after the attacks of 9/11 and exploited this nation's fear to satiate their lust for oil and profit in a land that posed no threat to us whatsoever. Hundreds of billions of dollars later, American's who have been made homeless by the hurricanes this season are facing evictions from the squalid "fema-camps" they have been living in, while the republican-controlled government plans another tax cut for the wealthiest. Meanwhile, fresh science on global warming states the obvious, the planet is getting warmer and this is causing weather changes, like more ferocious hurricanes in the Atlantic ocean and the Gulf of Mexico. What is that smell? Are there cars burning?